Mariah Carey Is Always The Answer
Everyone’s done it. Just gotten out of a tough break up, tried and failed to meet local women, turned on the easy listening radio station and cried it out. There’s nothing better than grabbing your cat, curling up by the fire, and emptying a bottle of wine down the hatch while listening to depressing break up songs.
So before you get to the sex-with-strangers-that-you-feel-so-dirty-about-sleeping-with-you-have-eight-showers-the-next-day stage, hit up iTunes, download these songs, and cry a river.
No Woman, No Cry- Bob Marley. With this one, you can even add a little pot to the mix and get more emotional than the wine would have made you. Nothing like a little Jamaican music to heal that broken heart right up.
White Horse- Taylor Swift. If you broke up because you were cheated on, then you’ll need an extra three days to recover after watching this video. Trust me, it’s sadder than when Kanye stole her MTV award.
Don’t Speak- No Doubt. Let’s be serious, who hasn’t gotten tanked after a bad break up, called their ex’s voice mail and sang “Don’t tell me cuz it hurts!” at the top of their lungs? No? Just me?
You Outta Know- Alanis Morisette. This one is for the angry crowd. No one does vengeful chick music better than Canadians do. What makes this song so great (besides her asking if he’s thinking of her when he fucks the new girl), is the fact that this song was written for Uncle Joey from Full House. I can see how that went down: “Joey, you’re cheating on me?! Cut. It. OUT!” *rimshot*…
And if all else fails, turn to Mariah Carey! She’s a break up song god and has the ability to start the waterworks better than no other. My suggestion is We Belong Together, a touching little number that will tear you to pieces and make you sad for weeks. Plus, since you already know no one will date you, you don’t have to worry about what listening to Mariah will do to your street cred!
So there you go, friends. Grab your iPod, grab your kleenex, and grab what little is left of your pride, because after crying over cheesy pop music, you’re going to be missing it for a while.