Matt Damon May Have Been On To Something
I’ve made my thoughts clear about people going on a singles sex search. I think it’s great. If you’re horny and you don’t have a fuck buddy already on the go, why not?! It’s a win-win for everybody involved. Unless one of you has herpes, then it’s a lose-win, because you still got laid, but now you have herpes.
I was online looking to meet local women, when I came across a video I hadn’t seen in a while. It was a song that Sarah Silverman wrote for Jimmy Kimmel to let him know that she was sleeping with Matt Damon. Now I understand that the song was a joke since, let’s be honest here, there’s no way Sarah Silverman could bag Jason Bourne, but it started to give me some great ideas! There’s a breakdown in the skit where Damon starts listing all the places they had sex while Silverman was dating Kimmel, and I realized how great of a checklist it is to do with someone new! Trying to get a home run in all the places he did? It would make me feel like I was living out The Bourne Identity, which is clearly every man’s dream.
So here’s the places he had sex, which are also the places I now want to have sex.
- On The Bed. A little mundane, but sex is still sex! And if you’re trying to check this list off with someone you just met, it’s probably the easiest place to start.
- On The Floor. Who wants to be restricted to the surface area of a bed? The floor has so much more room to move! If things heat up, you can use the stop, drop, and roll technique as a new sex position.
- On a Towel By The Door. There’s nothing worse than the wait between the shower and the bed. It may only be a few feet, but it feels like a lifetime! Skip the walk and do it against the door.
- In The Tub. Soapy, clean, wet sex. Is Charlie Sheen around? Because I hear someone #Winning.
- In The Car. As much as I love road head, I love pulling over and getting down to the nitty gritty in the back seat even more.
- Up Against The Mini-Bar. Admittedly this is probably the most uncomfortable and inconvenient and you’ll probably break that poor little bar, but if you’re at a hotel, I say screw it! It’s not your mini-bar.. break away!