Are You A Sammi Or A Ronnie?
I’m not ashamed to say it– I love watching Jersey Shore. There isn’t a Thursday that you won’t find me in front of my TV watching a group of the classiest, well-read, extremely tone-appropriate skin colors doing things that obviously only the classiest of folk do. Wait… that may be Jeopardy I’m thinking of. Jersey Shore is the one where they get drunk and fight each other, right? I like that one, too. But, like most people, there’s an element of that show that I can’t stand. And those elements’ names? Sammi and Ron.
While the rest of the world is sitting around wondering why the two of them are together, I’m sitting pretty because I already know the answer. After going on Jersey Shore and showing the world that they’re absolutely bat shit crazy, they’ve realized that not a single soul would date them now, so they’ve decided to cling to each other in a desperate attempt to not be alone for the rest of their lives.
Personally my favorite part about the hatred towards Sammi and Ron is that most of it comes from couples EXACTLY LIKE SAMMI AND RON. Newsflash, world! If you’re in a relationship where you drink too much and fight all the time and break up every other day and cry all the time, then you aren’t exactly in the position to judge a couple who drinks too much and fights all the time and breaks up every other day and cries all the time. But, since most likely you are in a relationship like that, I have a fun game for you!
Laaaaadies and gentlemen! It’s time to play Who Are You: Sammi Or Rahn? This is where the theme music would start playing if this was on TV and not the internet.
Do you have an abnormal amount of rage built up inside you because you’ve been overloading your steroid usage since you were 14? Have you not seen your balls in the last 6 years because they’ve shrunken to the size of your brain? When you’re drunk, do you start taking swings at your guy friends? And when you’re really drunk do you start taking swings at your girlfriend (Don’t worry about it man, she probably deserved it anyways)?
If this sounds like you, then you’re a RONNIE!!!
Does your boyfriend traumatize you by having sex with women who aren’t you in the smush room in the house you both live in together? Does he troll the city visibly high on coke looking to meet local women to make out with in front of all your mutual friends, then get violently mad when said friends tell you about it? Do you enjoy getting in loud screaming matches that always end in you crying, being single, and getting back together all within a night?
If this one sounds like you, then you my friend are a SAMMI!!
Wasn’t that fun?! Next time join us to see if you’re an Ike or a Tina!