How To Actually Lose A Guy In 10 Days
If you haven’t re-watched Kate Hudson’s rom-com How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days a hundred times, then that’s something we don’t have in common, because I have. But it seems that even though I’ve memorized this movie, I still don’t really know how to lose a guy in 10 days. I found out how to annoy the fuck out of one, but I don’t really know if that’s enough for him to be gone.
Now, I don’t actually have a guy that I want to lose in 10 days. In fact, I’d like to know how to lose a guy in 10 days so I know what not to do in 10 days to get my ass dumped.
If you’re looking to get out of a relationship, or if you simply want to know what will release you into the single world in a little over a week, we have a day-by-day planner on how to actually lose a guy in 10 days.
Day 10: Calling all stage 5 clingers
There’s nothing a guy dislikes more than someone who simply won’t leave him alone. After 30 ‘Where are you? Why aren’t you answering me?’ texts and three ‘I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for like 10 minutes!!!’ voice mails, he’ll already be second guessing this relationship.
Day 9: Question all of his platonic relationships
“You sure do spend a lot of time with your friend Brian. What’s going on with you two? Have you slept with him before? I don’t like you seeing him. I don’t want you hanging out with him anymore.” How hard do you rage when guys try to pull the jealousy card over a guy you have zero romantic feelings for? Well, he rages just as hard when you question his friendships.
Day 8: Ladies, start your PVR’s….
Make it Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, Kendall and Kylie all day in your house! Guys hate reality TV– especially when it revolves around the Kardashian Klan. Start making him watch marathons of Keeping Up With The Worst Family On E! Television and he’ll be dying to get away from you.
Day 7: What do you mean you don’t want to go see Titanic 3D again? We’ve only seen it three times this week.
You don’t want your life to revolve around his plans that have nothing to do with you, so why would you think he wants to spend his free time watching chick flicks with you? Right, he doesn’t. Start making his schedule revolve around your ultra-emasculating and he’s not going to be a happy camper.
Day 6: Stacy’s extensions are totally showing today, what a bitch.
He wants to hear about your office gossip as much as you want to hear about his ball hockey game. Bring out your catty side and make him think that you’re all about being a bitch!
Day 5: You should be more like my ex
There’s no bigger insult than telling a guy you’re currently with that you want him to be more like a guy you were with in the past. A subtle, “My ex used to do *this* in bed and I loved it, you should try it some time,” will mentally destroy him.
Day 4: Do you think I should be more like your ex? Do you? DO YOU? Oh my god, you do!
Jealousy is a dirty game, but two can play it. Guys don’t want a reason to be jealous, but even more than that they don’t want to have to deal with a jealous girlfriend. If you turn into ‘that girl,’ you know, the one that’s always comparing herself to others and accusing the boyfriend of wanting someone other than themselves, he’s going to want that other girl… or any other girl.
Day 3: I want to see your Facebook.
This follows day 4 perfectly. Once you’ve planted the jealousy seed, make him think that you’ve gone over the top and demand to see his Facebook inbox and text messages. And BBMs. And voice mails. And e-mails. And every other way for anyone to contact him.
Day 2: I love you so much, I stopped using birth control…
Nothing says ‘I need to get away from this psycho’ like telling your boyfriend that you were worried he would leave you, so you stopped using birth control. If you’re pregnant, he’s yours forever! Sure you won’t actually do that, but it sure would make him worried you would.
Break up day: The best friend can also be the worst enemy.
Three little words (I + love + you) can seal a relationship, but 6 little ones can end it– fast. Those words? I + slept + with + your + best + friend. He’ll run out of the door so fast you won’t even have to say goodbye!
And there you have it! 10 simple days to a clean cut break up. Trust us, he won’t be calling you after that…
