Updates from May, 2011 Toggle Comment Threads | Keyboard Shortcuts

  • Peters 9:38 pm on November 15, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    10 ‘Hot’ Tips From Cosmo You’ll Want To Avoid 

    Do Not Want

    When it comes to women taking sex tips, they’re almost more likely to listen to the ‘experts’ at Cosmo Magazine than they are to listen to their own friends. The only problem with that is Cosmo seems to have gone and lost their minds because their tips are less ‘sexy’ these days and more ‘bat shit crazy.’

    If you’re going hit up Cosmo during your singles sex search for ideas on how to spice up your love life, I’d advise against these.

    #10. Treat Him Like An Atari Controller
    You know when you’re giving your first hand job and you seem to be jerking it in all different directions? And how unsatisfied the look on your then-boyfriends face looked, despite the fact that he had been waiting 18 years just for someone to touch him there at all? Yah, it was that bad. But for whatever reason, Cosmo is suggesting that you do that again. They’re telling you to ‘treat his dick like an Atari joystick and move it all around.’ Please. Don’t do that.

    #9. Pull His Pubes
    I can’t believe that they’d suggest this: Cosmo is saying that guys love it when girls take their pubes between their teeth and pull. Not only is it a bad sensation, but the visual is enough to trigger our gag reflexes. There’s no need for two people to be gagging during oral sex.

    #8. Jerk Him Off With Grapes
    Cosmo wants you to hold grapes between your fingers while you’re giving a guy a hand job. First, how are you supposed to get a grip firm enough to be pleasurable without breaking the grapes? And second of all, who the hell would want to do that?!

    #7.  Shake His Nuts
    “Take his testicles in the palm of your hand and shake them like you’re shaking dice.”  No. No. Just no. Do not do this. That will feel like we’re on a bad train ride, not getting laid.

    #6. Toss His Salad
    If you don’t know what tossing the salad is, then you’re not missing out! Think about what you do when you go down on a female, except do it to the back door instead of the front. If he’s straight, he probably doesn’t want you poking around back there. Not to mention guys don’t have that many nerves around the opening of their rectum, so giving it a lick probably won’t do much for him anyways.

    #5. Bite His Balls
    Cosmo’s suggestion of  taking the skin of his testicles and pinching them with your teeth is a boner killer, not a boner trigger.

    #4. Do The Twist
    “Make two fists around his dick and twist your hands in opposite directions as fast as you can.” Then immediately call 911, because that will hurt.

    #3. Rub Ice On His Penis During Oral Sex
    Have you ever seen that episode of Seinfeld when George gets caught without his pants on and it causes a woman to laugh? And he blames it on the fact that it was cold? I doubt it was ICE cold, so imagine what it would be like if you did freeze his member. Damn.

    #2. Find His G-Spot
    Do you know where a male G-Spot is? In his back door. Which is coincidently the #1 place straight men don’t want you to go. If you have a sexually adventurous boy toy, then you’re in luck, and you can go for it. But if you’re sleeping with a majority of men in America, you’re not going to want to sneak anything in there.

    #1. Put A Donut Around His Dick And Slowly Eat It Before You Give Him A Blow Job
    Which part about this is hot? The visual of a donut on a dick? You eating the dick? Getting a dry blow job because you used all your saliva eating dry pastries? The extra yeast you’re ingesting? Besides Fat Bastard, no man will want you to do this to him. Please advise.

    So there you have it! If you’re thinking about being adventurous and doing something outside the box, trust me, you don’t want to try these.

     

     

  • Peters 4:17 pm on October 20, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    Your Weight Isn’t Effecting Your Dating Life, But It Is Effecting Your Sex Life 

    An overwhelming amount of both men and women in North America think that it’s harder for them to meet singles when they’re overweight. Well guys and gals, sorry to burst your bubble, but you can’t hide behind that excuse anymore. In 2010, eight times as many people that got married were overweight. It’s the way of the world now in America! People are generally heavier, so you can’t use that as your excuse as to why you’re not getting any action.

    What you can blame on your weight however is your shitty sex life!

    People who are overweight have a harder time reaching orgasm. How much harder? Almost 45%!

    What does this attribute to? Most of it has to do with physical abilities. Overweight people have a harder time in the sack because they get tired easier. They can’t contour their bodies in positions necessary to achieve a good orgasm, and in cases where there’s a little too much cushion for the pushin, you simply can’t get deep enough.

    I’m not saying you should go out and drop 90 pounds. Everyone has a healthy weight for their height, and as long as you’re in that range, you’re able to lead a healthy and full life. But if you want to increase your chances at a better sex life, you should consider shedding some of your excess weight!

     

  • Peters 5:29 pm on June 22, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    Stay Sexually Satisfied When You’re Single 

    It’s Wednesday afternoon. You don’t have a date for tonight. Or for Friday. Or Saturday. Or any day to be quite honest, but you can feel that urge start to build. You know that one, the I-need-to-get-laid-now-or-I’ll-resort-to-calling-my-ex urge. You know when people say that sexuality is a part of our nature? Well, they weren’t lying! When we have something in our noses we need to get out, our bodies sneeze. When we cut ourselves shaving, we heal. When we haven’t had sex in a while, we get horny. We get really horny.

    Instead of going slumming at the local bar for the first person who offers you free sex, take a tip from your high school self! Getting back to your days of self exploration is the best thing you can do to satisfy your libido.

    So how do you get yourself off when you’re not getting it on? You get creative! Everyone has downloaded porn and let their hands wander, but that’s so 2010. You need to jerk off the 2011 way!

    1- Creep on Craig’s List. There’s a section on Craig’s List where people look for the craziest kinds of sex you could imagine. Dressing up like animals, role play, S&M, the works, and things you could never imagine on your own. Find an add that turns you on and use that inspiration to play out what would happen if you responded to it. Think about all the crazy things you would have done to your body, and try to do them yourself as your imagination runs.

    2- Bring Your Vibrator On The Go. Who wants to lay down and use their little friend when you could do it in public? Before you start driving, simply slip in your panties and turn it on as you hit the open road. Having so many people around you not knowing what’s going on downstairs could be more exciting than the orgasm itself!

    3- Get Hot, Get Cold. One of the best things you can do with your dildo is change its temperature! Find yourself a cock copy that you can microwave or freeze so you can feel a new sensation when you use it. If you go for cold, you’ll warm it up as you go which will make you feel more the longer you go for, and if you start off warm, you’ll get a great tingling sensation as the heat wears off.

    You don’t need a date to get some action! Use your imagination and get creative with your masturbation.

     

  • Peters 5:30 pm on June 3, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    Answering The Questions You Don’t Want To Ask 

    What’s this white stuff? Why does it hurt when I pee? Are my pubes thicker than they should be? I know, I know… There’s questions in life that you don’t have to have to ask anybody, especially when it comes to sex.

    Before you continue on your singles dating search, boost your confidence with some answers to the questions you’ve been wondering about.

    My boyfriend thrusts really hard. Can he be damaging me down there? To your insides, no. No matter how hard he thrusts, chances are he won’t go further than 7 inches in, so you won’t have any damage to your insides. However, if you are dry down there, he could cause slight irritation. Make sure to lube up before he goes at it!

    Can you really smell ‘fishy’? Yes, yes you can. Some woman have an imbalance of their natural vaginal bacteria, which can create a fishy smell. If that happens, either switch to a feminine odor soap, or see your doctor.

    I get vaginal infections easily. Why? Well, if you douche, you’re taking away the job that your body does naturally. Or if you wear anything other than all cotton panties, that could cause it as well. Let your body clean your insides itself, and trade in your silkies for some tighty whiteys!

    We wore a condom, but it slipped off when he was exiting me. Can I get pregnant? You better believe it! If he has to get the condom out from inside you, then don’t take chances. Go to your drug store and take Plan B, or, if you don’t believe in doing so, Google organic ways to prevent pregnancies after an accident. Chances are they won’t work, but there are a few things you can do to lessen the odds.

    Is there anything I can do to make my ‘juices’ taste better? There’s no magical food that instantly does the trick, but subtle changes to your diet can make a big difference. Cutting down on your dairy and meat will show positive changes, as well as adding more acidy fruits like pineapple and lemons. If you do have a high meat diet, then do your best to flush your system with lots of water.

    I think my vagina farted while we were having sex. Yes, it probably did. When his penis is thrusting inside of you, it’s letting air into your vagina that’s not used to being there. It’s not like a regular fart, it’s a queef. All it is, is your body letting out that air that was trapped in you while you were having sex. It happens to all women, so don’t be too embarrassed!

    If I use a vegetable as a dildo, can I get an infection? Yes you can. Unless you clean it properly and use a condom, you’re really asking for bacteria to enter your vagina. This can cause things like yeast infections and bladder infections. If you’re going to put something up there that isn’t a penis, make sure it’s meant for that purpose!

    Any question you have about sex, someone else has, too! Never be afraid to ask.

     

  • Peters 3:12 pm on May 24, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    Matt Damon May Have Been On To Something 

    I’ve made my thoughts clear about people going on a singles sex search. I think it’s great. If you’re horny and you don’t have a fuck buddy already on the go, why not?! It’s a win-win for everybody involved. Unless one of you has herpes, then it’s a lose-win, because you still got laid, but now you have herpes.

    I was online looking to meet local women, when I came across a video I hadn’t seen in a while. It was a song that Sarah Silverman wrote for Jimmy Kimmel to let him know that she was sleeping with Matt Damon. Now I understand that the song was a joke since, let’s be honest here, there’s no way Sarah Silverman could bag Jason Bourne, but it started to give me some great ideas! There’s a breakdown in the skit where Damon starts listing all the places they had sex while Silverman was dating Kimmel, and I realized how great of a checklist it is to do with someone new! Trying to get a home run in all the places he did? It would make me feel like I was living out The Bourne Identity, which is clearly every man’s dream.

    So here’s the places he had sex, which are also the places I now want to have sex.

    1. On The Bed. A little mundane, but sex is still sex! And if you’re trying to check this list off with someone you just met, it’s probably the easiest place to start.

    2. On The Floor. Who wants to be restricted to the surface area of a bed? The floor has so much more room to move! If things heat up, you can use the stop, drop, and roll technique as a new sex position.

    3. On a Towel By The Door. There’s nothing worse than the wait between the shower and the bed. It may only be a few feet, but it feels like a lifetime! Skip the walk and do it against the door.

    4. In The Tub. Soapy, clean, wet sex. Is Charlie Sheen around? Because I hear someone #Winning.

    5. In The Car. As much as I love road head, I love pulling over and getting down to the nitty gritty in the back seat even more.

    6. Up Against The Mini-Bar. Admittedly this is probably the most uncomfortable and inconvenient and you’ll probably break that poor little bar, but if you’re at a hotel, I say screw it! It’s not your mini-bar.. break away!
     

  • Peters 8:24 pm on May 17, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    Sex: The Ultimate Exam Stress Reliever 

    Believe it or not, but I’m a university graduate. In fact, I graduated from two universities within a 6 year span, earning 3 degrees (*pats self on back*), so trust me, I know what exam stress is like.

    In the dorm I lived in first year, they gave us all a pamphlet on what we could to to bring down our stress levels. Not a word of a lie, it was almost word for work for what the tell you to do when you’re about to have a baby! Eat spicy food to get your mind on something else, go for a long walk to clear your head, take deep breaths to put you in a serene meditative state… They basically listed everything except the one that would actually help… sex!

    Sex is the ultimate sex reliever. And no, that’s not just an excuse to tell the guy you’ve been wanting to sleep with all semester. It really is!

    When you have sex, your body releases endorphins that put you into an elevated blissful state. Physically it triggers nerves that acts as a relief to the muscles that tense in your shoulders where you carry your most stress. Not only that, but the most common physical side effects of stress are head aches and and constipation, both of which can be eliminated with sex. Penetration can act as such a great stimulant on your genitals that it carries those soothing feelings to your head, which will erase your headache, and the constant motion of the thrusting inside your body will loosen what’s backed up, which will let you have an easier go next time you take a trip to the washroom.

    Now if you want to continue to hit the books hard, then I’m not going to be the one who stops you. But a little study break never hurt anyone! In fact, I’m pretty confident I can say it does the exact opposite. If you try and cram too much information in all at once, your mind will do the opposite of what you want it to and dispose of most of the information you stick in there. If you study, study, study, you’re going to fry your brain. So go out and meet singles on campus! If you study, have sex, study, have sex, study, then you’re on the fast track to a big A and an even bigger O!

     

     

  • Peters 5:41 pm on May 8, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: fucking, orgasm   

    It’s Not Always Just Intercourse 

    There may be times when actually fucking may not be completely on the table for you and your partner. You shouldn’t allow that to interfere with the happiness and sexual satisfaction that you could be sharing with your partner if you use a little creativity. There are a lot of ways you can bring them to an orgasm for instance with licking and sucking. These are great ways to really pamper and please your partner. Long luscious blow jobs or licking pussy can be just as effective and even more intimate in a way then making the beast with two backs. A couple might be surprised that they have grown so used to the fucking that the licking and sucking was never fully and completely explored beyond maybe foreplay or a few stolen moments. It’s a very common occurrence to actually leave many approaches behind, begin to explore some kinks then just drop them as a relationship grows and people get locked into certain behaviors. If you establish good communication skills with your partner and explain to them that it is perfectly okay for them to tell you everything, and that you want to tell them everything, than things will be perfect between you. You cannot fully please them if you do not know how, if they don’t tell you how.

    So just open yourselves up to the fantasies that you could bring true for each other and explore all the myriad ways you can take your partner to places they’ve never been but only read about, or dreamed about. You could really make a big difference for someone and open them up to so much pleasure with you. It may very likely be that they have never been with such a giving, and open and understanding partner as you, and this can make them very eager to please in return. For committed lovers fucking is a very small and limited part of what their sex can be about, how they approach and deal with one another on a multitude of levels. There are so many ways to be intimate, many we forget we have forgotten as we march so swiftly in and out modern day lives and try to battle expectations.

     

  • Peters 6:13 pm on May 6, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    My Soundtrack To Sex 

    Everyone likes a little background music while they’re doing the nasty, amiright? There’s nothing worse than hearing that awkward farting noise your bodies make when you’re sweaty and rubbing up against each other. Personally, I like loud, dirty music to listen to while I’m having sex. A little Pour Some Sugar On Me? Yes, please. I can’t get enough of it.

    I know that it may not be everyone’s cup of tea listening to 80′s rock, and there’s nothing worse than having to put up with something you don’t like while having sex (like that time my wife kept American Idol on in the background so she wouldn’t miss who was voted off. Whaa?). So here’s a little music to have sex to from a variety of genres. We’ll start with the obvious…

    Let’s Get It On- Marvin Gaye. It’s all in the title! The song is straight to the point. It’s about a guy who wants nothing more than to get laid, and everyone can relate to that. Every time I hear it, I’m in the mood. Every. time.

    Let’s Make Love- Tim McGraw & Faith Hill. This is the one I stick on to impress the Mrs. Not only is it a ‘sweet’ song, it’s sung by two of countries longest-running sweethearts, which always gets the ladies in the ‘I want to show you how i feel’ mood. It works very well.

    Sexy Can I- Ray J. I’m a little embarrassed I even know what this song is. I heard it on the radio a little while ago and thought it was ridiculous, but after talking to a kid that works for me, apparently girls love it. This song goes on in the clubs, and everyone is rushing out to get home and get their sexy on. So yes, to answer your question Ray J, sexy you can.

    Crash Into Me- The Dave Matthews Band. I had no idea this was a song about sex. NO idea. I’ve known the words to this song for years and it just never clicked in until I was watching a live performance of his on VH1 and someone had yelled “Play the sex song!” to which he responded “I’ll be playing Crash Into Me in a few minutes.” What? Crash Into Me is a sex song?! After he played it and I actually listened to it in that context, yah, it made sense. He bluntly says “I’ll come into you.” Anyways, it’s a great song and a great tempo for setting the mood.

    Paris- Grace Potter And The Nocturnals. The singer of this band, Grace Potter, said she wrote this song to be a bring you down on the floor, screw your brains out, want to do nothing but get free sex kind of song. And that’s exactly what it is. Great vocals, great song.

    Having nothing but white noise in the background gets dull after 30 seconds. It’s great to hear your partner make the noises and take the shortened breaths, but it’s also fun to hear something to keep beat to. I think the pleasure goes up with the volume, so crank it!

     

  • Peters 7:40 pm on May 3, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: ,   

    We Love Threesomes And You Probably Do, Too. 

    Have you ever gotten bored during sex and wanted to switch to a different partner? That’s exactly why we love group sex.

    It seems like when you ask someone for their sex fantasy, it always involves more than one person. Why? Because the more, the merrier. Where did you think that saying came from?

    The internet is flooded with people looking to meet singles that want to join in on the multiples fun. This is why threesomes are awesome:

    1. If one is boring, you have a back-up. We’ve all been in a situation where we’d rather be sitting on the couch watching re-runs of Jeopardy than having sex with the vanilla partner we’re stuck with. With threesomes, you always have a second option.
    2. You get exposed to ‘new’. In threesomes, there’s so much going on that you’re forced into positions you didn’t even know you were capable of. And you know how you learned that new little trick from the guy at the bar last week? Well now you’re doing twice the learning in one session. It’s the sex equivalent of having your professor teach you math and english at the same time, but instead of getting a grade at the end of the lesson, you get an orgasm. Which is awesome.
    3. You get to see what else is out there. If you married the guy you lost your virginity to or have been dating the same guy for so long that you forget what other dicks look like, threesomes give you a reminder of what the world has to offer without technically having to cheat.
    4. Size matters. Like smaller boobs? Bigger dicks? Skinnier guys? Blonder girls? You get to have all the things that turn you on in bed with you and your boyfriend without having to wish that he would change. It’s the best of both worlds.
    5. More people means more people. The best part about adding people to the bedroom is that you have more people in the bedroom! More people to touch, more people to touch you, and more opportunities to do whatever the hell you want.

    Moral of this story is: Threesomes are great. If you want to try it, throw your embarrassment out and get it on! Nobody’s alone in wanting to have a threesome. Next time you can’t decide who to sleep with, just grab them both. After all, there’s a reason menage a trois sounds sexier than menage a doux.

     

     

c
compose new post
j
next post/next comment
k
previous post/previous comment
r
reply
e
edit
o
show/hide comments
t
go to top
l
go to login
h
show/hide help
esc
cancel