Sex And Astronomy
“Their love was written in the stars.” What the hell does that mean? I’ve heard it in a million movies, and each time it means less tome than the time before. It was written in the stars? Like, literally? The stars spelled out “And so it shall be”?
Okay, okay. I know that’s not how it goes. But I did want to figure out what all this nonsense was about, so I turned to my best friend: Google.
It turns out that for thousands of years, people have been picking compatible dates based on star signs. You know that horoscope you read on your commute to work? Well, you might want to start taking note.
I was born April 28th, so I’m a Taurus. A lot of the times the things I read in my horoscope about my personality are usually pretty accurate, but they’re also written so generally that I’m sure they would be accurate for anyone. I looked up a astronomy compatibility chart and there’s actually slim pickings for me in terms of a ‘proper match’. According to it, Capricorns are really the only people I can have a true connection with. Which, actually, I agree with. I went through my old girlfriends, and out of the 10 or so serious-ish ones I’ve had, two stand out the most. One I met in college, and one I met through online dating. Then I made note of their birthdays and, sure enough, they’re both Capricorns.
But that could just be coincidence, right?
I looked a little further into it, and it’s not just relationships you can be compatible with, it’s everything down to your friends, your co-workers, even your sex partners. Three of my best friends are Pieces, which the chart says I get along best with. The co-workers I’m not sure on their birthdays, but with some of these descriptions, I’m sure it wouldn’t be a hard guess. And that leaves the best for last: the sex partners. The charts said I would either be best with a Virgo or Cancer… And that’s when I became a believer. The best sex I’ve ever had came twice (lucky me!). Once with a girl named Rachel and once with a girl named Bridget. One was a Virgo, and one was a Cancer. I know that all of this could be chalked up to coincidence, but it’s just too much! My ex-girlfiends, my friends, my old hookups? They all fit the bill?
I had to put this to a test. I signed up for a free dating site and clicked on the first people who had a Capricorn birthday (who I’m supposedly most compatible with), and a Leo (who I’m least). I had about a two hour conversation with both girls, and guess what? The Capricorn was great, the Leo was a dud.
It could have been mind over matter, but it didn’t feel like I was forcing anything, and they still laid the way the ‘stars’ said they would. Maybe I’m reading too much into this, but if people have been doing it for thousands of years, how can it be wrong? Next time you’re out looking for love, check your compatibility chart first!
